How would you like to donate your body to science? Sounds like a decent idea, in my opinion. I suspect that most people, like myself, don’t think much past the “science” of it.
If it helps cure cancer, I’m all in.
If my remains can help doctors train better, then sure!
If it means stuffing my remains in a cage and leaving it in the wild for scavengers to pick at, I’m game!
Wait…what??
If you decide to donate your body to The Body Ranch, that could be exactly where you end up.
Um, is this some kind of a threat?
No! Of course not. What’s the matter with you? I’m talking about The Body Farm, a research facility in Texas where donated human bodies decompose in cages, burial sites, and open air.
It could be your final resting place if you choose to donate! Imagine your bones scattered across a 26-acre outdoor lab!
If you’re one of the chosen few, you might even get your dead carcass stuffed into a cage so the researchers can observe how insects interact with your decomposing body.
They call it FARF, but I would call it The Big Dirtnap
God, I hate acronyms. This one stands for the Forensic Anthropology Research Facility. They could have been more clever with the acronym, if you ask me.
I’d call it something like DIRTNAP, which would stand for the Department of Interesting, Rotting, Terrifying, Nonsensical Air Putrefication.
FARF is probably easier.
But I digress…
According to the website, “The Forensic Anthropology Research Facility (FARF) serves as a resource for forensic anthropology students, researchers, as well as state and national law enforcement agencies.
Makes sense, I guess.
What surprises me the most is that it isn’t the only body farm in the United States. There are seven of them in total. I’m not sure whether business is booming for them all, but FARF has had a total of roughly 1000 “donations” since it officially opened in 2008.
That equates to about 59 bodies per year on average.
Would you donate your body to The Body Ranch?
I considered donating my body to science once. But my metaphoric train was off its tracks at the time. Then I recovered and came to my senses.
Look, I don’t want to deter you! The work the researchers do helps them solve crimes (so that if your cousin Bertha dies under mysterious circumstances, they can trace it back to you, but you’ll be dead on the farm anyway, so it won’t matter).
I mean, it’s kind of cool. Teams of researchers comb the area every day looking for your bones. I imagine it to be like the most passive, lazy way to play hide-and-seek where you’re always the hider.
There’s a good chance they won’t even find you intact. That puts a whole new spin on the game! Imagine investigators, law enforcement, and students combing the land while feral hogs make off with your limbs.
Top Reasons To Donate Your Body to The Body Farm
There are all kinds of great reasons to donate your body to science. For example:
You were always “outdoorsy” anyway!
Are you the asshole who spends a lot of money on tenting equipment? Do you relish the idea of sleeping in nothing but a sleeping bag under the stars? Did you know that the unhoused HAVE to sleep that way, but you could be home in a comfortable bed?
Rant over.
All I’m saying is you might want to do something useful and allow science to research what happens to you when the bears find your snacks in the pants you were wearing when you were last seen.
You have “fear of abandonment issues.”
Someone will always be looking for you (or whatever parts of you they can find) at the body ranch. No more worrying about being abandoned.
They say it’s better for the environment
I mean, I suppose. According to ChatGPT (I didn’t dig into this any further than that, so sue me), the environmental impact of one traditional funeral looks something like this:
~3 gallons of embalming fluid (contains formaldehyde, a carcinogen)
~150 lbs of steel (used in casket construction)
~2,500 lbs of concrete (used in burial vaults)
Hardwood casket materials (contributes to deforestation)
Permanent land use (40–100 sq. ft. per grave)
~250–300 kg of CO₂ emissions (from materials, transport, and manufacturing)
Disruption of soil/water systems (due to vaults and non-biodegradable materials)
Energy and resource-intensive production (caskets, vaults, headstones)
In contrast, there’s very little environmental impact of donating your body to “the ranch”. It looks something like this:
Your body gets hoisted into the back of a pickup truck
The teenager driving the truck might throw a tarp over you
Truck pulls up to the ranch
Your body gets randomly dumped.
Okay, okay, I’m sure it’s more dignified than that!
The researchers at the facility work hard to make the world a safer place. Their findings can help solve crimes (moidah mysteries!), plus The Body Farm gives anthropologists something to do.
Click this link to read more about the Forensic Anthropology Research Facility (FARF).
I still think DIRTNAP is a better alternative.
So would you do it or not?
Personally, I think you get the better end of the deal on this one.
You're just dead, waiting around for your skin to be tugged and pulled by coyotes like an old-timey taffy pull. The researchers and students, however, have to comb through the brush looking for signs that you once had limbs and organs.
Is that an eyeball hanging from that bird’s nest, or is it Mardi Gras?
It’s free - but donations are valued!
I don’t know. I mean, why not? The thought of being buried in a casket that costs as much as a trip to Turks and Caicos seems ridiculous to me.
Cremation seems like a cheaper option, but then your family has to decide what to do with your ashes. Geez, thanks, mom. Now I’ve gotta carry your dirt everywhere.
What do you think? Yay or nay to the “clothing optional” body farm?
I’m dying to know what you think! (see what I did there?). Leave me a comment and we’ll get this conversation going.
Thanks for reading!
I’d love for you to join my diverse, intelligent, and thoughtful subscribers! I have Early Onset Alzheimer’s if that helps with pity points. It doesn’t? Oh. Okay.