Dr. Belliveau's Dream Job - Chapter 12 [Fiction - Humour]
The Berenstain Bears come to the rescue!
Stacey didn’t get the reaction she was hoping for when she told Dr. Belliveau - Benny - that he had to become a spirit guide in the form of a bear.
A bear? He asked, shaking his head from side to side in quick, short jabs. I’m afraid you’re out of your depth. This is nonsensical! How would I even go about doing such a thing?”
He reached for this antique stapler, the expensive one, carefully stroking the handle. It was the equivalent of a fidget toy or a stress ball for him, and he did the same thing every time he needed stress relief. First, he checked inside to make sure there were no staples. There never were. Then he closed the head and ran his left thumb over the crimping area, back and forth, enjoying the sensations.
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As promised, he was working from home and could easily access all the things that brought him a modicum of comfort. He’d splurged and bought a MacBook, understanding full well there was no money to cover office expenses.
So far, his only job had been taking phone calls. He thought it peculiar that people spoke sincerely and seriously about needing things like “spirit guide” coaching, yet screamed in anger when they found out the cost.
I’ll do whatever it takes to realign with my spirit guides, one potential client had said. Anything!
Benny, always a little embarrassed to tell people the cost of these services, tried to soften the blow. Well now, he’d say. I’d be happy to take your deposit for the sessions today. The rest will be due before your last session.
Great! The potential client had said.
Benny cleared his throat before saying, “Now the price is a little steep, but as you just said, it’s worth anything. Did I get that right?
The potential client was suddenly hesitant. How pricey?
Benny paused before saying, 'You’ll pay the $ 5,000 deposit today and the remaining $15 before your last session.
Silence. Then, fifteen dollars?
Fifteen thousand, Benny said with an apologetic inflection in his tone.
There’s really no need to list the creative expletives shouted into Benny’s ear. He’d heard them all. His heart sank every time, and he wished he could convince Stacey to lower her prices to something more reasonable.
We’re never going to make a cent unless we get a client. You must lower your price before that will ever happen, I’m afraid, he’d warned.
And then they got a client willing to pay $20,000.
Benny had been just as excited as Stacey, albeit for different reasons. Now he could officially call himself a bookkeeper and a secretary. He created a file folder for the new client and opened a full pack of sticky notes to use. It gave him great satisfaction to see those stickers prominently displayed around his computer screen, each with a useful note to remind him of things that needed doing.
CALL CLIENT & ASK IF HE’S SERIOUS ABOUT PAYING 20 GRAND FOR QUESTIONABLE SERVICE.
SEND COACHING FEEDBACK FORMS
PUT ALL-BRAN ON THE GROCERY LIST
CREATE COACHING TEMPLATES FOR STACEY
Benny kept his eye on the last one, wondering to himself how he could create spirit guide templates when he didn’t know what it even meant.
Suddenly, he met her gaze and straightened his back. I’m your secretary, not a bear spirit or bear guide. You’re the coach. You do the coaching.”
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To his surprise, Stacey suddenly looked more vulnerable than he’d ever seen her. A tiny vein between her neck and collarbone twitched. Her face flushed. She did five random jumping jacks.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS EITHER, she screamed.
Why did you put it on the service list if you don’t know what it means?
Because I didn’t think anybody in their right mind would pay that much money for a spirit guide coach!
Should I take it off the list? Benny asked.
No. I don’t know. Maybe. It’s too late now! Okay, take it off the list. But we still have to come through for this guy.
Stacey plunked down on Benny’s couch while Benny twirled his newly purchased office chair around and around, his socked feet hoisted slightly off the floor.
Stop doing that! she shouted. We have to think.
So they thought. They thought threw lunch. The thought threw dinner. They thought their way through 10 pm.
Do I get overtime for this? Benny asked. He was kidding, but it irked Stacey.
She gave him a look.
Suddenly, as if stung by a wasp, Benny jumped to his feet. Stacey watched him scurry into the bathroom, where he rummaged through a basket of books and magazines beside the toilet.
Here it is, she heard him mutter.
He walked out of the bathroom smiling and holding a book high over his head.
What’s that? Stacey asked.
The Berenstain Bears! Benny laughed. Stacey was confused. Who the hell were the Berenstain Bears?
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Benny plopped the worn children’s book in Stacey’s lap. She picked it up and flipped through the yellowed pages. It smelled of must and, oddly, lavender. She looked up at Benny and shrugged.
I don’t get it, she said.
We can use these books as the backdrop to your bear spirit guide coaching client!
Stacey still wasn’t clueing in. Benny sat next to her on the couch and explained the entire series of books to her.
The Berenstain Bears books were designed to teach morals and practical life lessons to children. Haven’t you heard of them? he asked.
Stacey shook her weary head.
These are your bear spirit guides! Benny laughed, pleased with himself. He thumped his pointer finger on the hard book cover.
I’m still not getting it, Stacey said.
This is just one book, Benny explained. There are hundreds of books like this. Look, this one is about not eating too much junk food. I’ve got others too. There’s one about manners, and another about starting school…
Benny could tell by the look on Stacey’s face that she still wasn’t comprehending what he was trying to say. He grabbed her shoulders and promptly dropped his hands.
I’m sorry, he said. But this is how we can pull off a bear spirit guide for your client. We use the ideas, he said. We can shape each one into a message of sorts. I know this is a grown man who likely already went to school. He’s probably learned his manners from his parents and so forth. But what if we use these ideas and reshape them for adults?
Stacey thought about it.
You mean use these ideas to create spirit guide “lessons” that come from bears?
Benny nodded, Yes! Something like that. I don’t have to be the bear. THESE are your bears. They have all the answers. Just reword them and feed them to the client in adult terms.
Now Stacey was getting it.
So we just reformat these ideas into meaningful lessons for Wallace? What if he recognizes the lessons from these books?
Benny laughed out loud.
Nobody dumb enough to pay twenty thousand dollars for spirit guide coaching was read to as a child, he said.
Stacey laughed. Then Benny joined in. Together, they laughed until it hurt, both understanding the deviance of what they were about to do, but neither willing to turn back the hands of time.
They were in it now, and they were in deep.
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