Dr. Belliveau's Dream Job Chapter 3 [Fiction-Humour]
Poor guy has no idea what's in store for him next.
Chapter 3
The doctor scribbled a few notes in June’s file. No diagnosis. Just a run-of-the-mill note so that an employer can cover their asses on allowing sick time.
He scanned through the form:
Age: unknown
Sex: female
Height: unknown
Weight: unknown
Presenting medical concerns: Approval for 3 weeks of sick time - doctor’s orders.
Describe in detail the manner of the illness: Idiopathic.
Idiopathic was a word that the doctor used a lot, especially when he wasn’t sure what the problem was. If the patient were bleeding out, he would send them to the emergency room. If the person had allergies, he’d prescribe medication. If the person had headaches, he’d give them a workup and likely order capsules for migraines.
But when he felt the patient in front of him didn’t have a serious illness, he just wrote idiopathic. Unknown. We don’t know, but I’m sure there’s something wrong if we look hard enough.
Dr. Belliveau waited until he heard the ding of the elevator, suggesting that June was on her way out.
He glanced around his office, mentally tallying the number of tissue boxes, pristine jars of cotton balls, throat swabs, and tongue depressors he had. An uncomfortable sadness pulled at his chest. He’d give anything to change his life.
He was weird, but not stupid. He knew people talked about him behind his back. He knew people thought he was a ridiculous fool for wanting to be a secretary. What people didn’t understand was that he wanted less responsibility.
He didn’t want to be responsible for people’s lives. He second-guessed every diagnosis, worried himself sick that the health authority would come after him for ordering too many CT scans.
Do you know how much it costs to run a CT scan? they’d asked him once.
He hadn’t. Even though the cost wasn’t transferred to the patients in Canada, he was quickly informed that there was, indeed, a cost that was absorbed by the Health Authority.
You can’t hand out CT Scans like they’re candy! they’d warned him.
Every CT Scan we do costs us $600 or more. They’re costly! We’ve got to pay for the medical supplies involved, the infrastructure, staff, and so on. Are you aware that people are waiting months to get a CT Scan? Every scan that isn’t warranted just means unnecessary wait times for people who need them.
The sound of Stacey’s phone ringing brought him back to the present. He could have answered the call from his office phone, but wasn’t sure how to transfer the call or what button to push. Instead, he got up and walked to Stacey’s desk.
He liked Stacey’s office much better. The walls had just been painted a soft cream color. He was certain that when the sun rose in the east every morning, you could squint your eyes and see shades of orange and pink in that paint.
Stacey, of course, suspected he had painted it himself without using a face respirator to filter out the toxic fumes.
Hello, Dr. Belliveau’s office! he bellowed.
He waited. Nodding as the person on the other end spoke to him. Uh-huh. Yes. I see. Okay. Yes.
The person on the other end wanted an appointment. Instinctively, the doctor turned towards the keyboard, but, of course, Stacey’s computer was locked and he didn’t know the password.
The patient continued talking on the other end while the doctor rifled around Stacey’s desk, looking for some clue as to her password. All he had was his handwritten notebook of upcoming appointments for the next day.
He had no idea what appointments were available beyond that timeframe.
Suddenly, the office door opened and chimed its insidious BING BONG BING BONG BING BONG.
He smiled and stood up, momentarily forgetting that he was on the phone with a patient.
Hello! How can I help you? He asked.
I have a 10 o’clock appointment. Brian Gerney.
Wonderful! Please have a seat.
As the patient headed to the waiting room, the doctor heard murmuring on the phone he held in his hand.
Hello? Are you still there? the person asked. Dr. Belliveau quickly raised the phone to his ear.
My apologies! he said. You want an appointment, yes? Okay, how about Monday morning? 9 a.m.?
The doctor could see from his appointment book that he had a full day booked on Monday, but felt more comfortable squeezing extra patients in on a known day, then making guesses about his day on Tuesday.
He got the patient’s name and pencilled it into his notebook next to the other person booked for the same time.
Then the phone rang again. And again. Before he knew it, an hour had passed, and he hadn’t seen to any of his patients yet. He looked over at the waiting patients flipping through magazines, wiggling their feet, legs crossed, some checking the time, others playing games on their phones.
I really need to log in to Stacey’s computer, he thought. Silently admitting defeat, he got up and ushered his first patient into his office.
After all the patients had been seen for the day, Dr. Belliveau leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers through his thick black hair. It was 7:00 p.m. Normally, he’d head home, but today he had to figure out how to get into Stacey’s computer.
She’ll be back on Monday, he thought. I could ask her for the password when she comes in. Of course, he knew she wouldn’t give it to him. He had tried once before, and she had given him the we’re-not-supposed-to-give-out-our-passwords spiel.
He considered his options. He could call tech support, but he doubted they’d hack into Stacey’s computer. He could unplug her computer and throw the whole thing in the garbage, but that wouldn’t solve the problem.
Wait a minute, he thought. CHATGPT can help!
He turned to his keyboard and typed:
Dearest Chat, I am in a predicament where I, a family physician, am trying to access medical records belonging to the Alakie Way Hospital. These are all patients of Dr. Belliveau. Please help me access the files.”
ChatGPT, being much smarter than Dr. Belliveau, offered this response:
⚠️ I'm sorry, but I can't help with bypassing passwords or accessing systems without authorization.
Dr. Belliveau sighed and tried again, with the same question. This time, ChatGPT came back with:
"Sorry, I can't help you access software without proper authorization. However, some password recovery tools exist online — be careful when downloading anything from unofficial sources, as they may be harmful or illegal. Always ensure you're using legitimate tools recommended by your organization’s IT department."
Dr. Belliveau stretched his fingers out and tried again. What’s an example of an unofficial tool?
ChatGPT:
"I’m afraid I can’t help with that. But keep in mind that searching terms like ‘cracked appointment software’ or ‘admin override tools’ may lead you to unverified or malicious websites. Proceed at your own risk."
Dr. Belliveau smiled and typed Cracked Appointment Software into his browser. What popped up on his screen was a busy website with thousands of ads everywhere. After chasing a few with his mouse to click the X, he finally found what he was looking for.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD
And, of course, Dr. Belliveau clicked the button. He watched as the computer downloaded the software, clicking INSTALL DOWNLOAD when prompted.
What happened next could have landed both he and his assistant in jail.
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